I am an accountant. I know how to budget. I know how to manipulate the numbers until the situation looks decent if not great. But, no matter what I know, no matter how I plan, my numbers acumen does not parlay into control of my finances.
Every once in a while I get bored at work and start playing around, creating budgets on Excel. Each time it excites and depresses me. I am excited to see that I can save money. That it is still possible. But I am so depressed at the state I have allowed to get myself to. I will be forty in four years and I have no savings. I do not own a house. My first child will be going to school in a couple of years and I have no idea how I will pay for it. I have no security.
Now, I am faced with having to buy a new car after mine was totalled in an accident. I still owe $1,000 after the insurance payment. My husband and I have been driving to work together for the last week in a attempt to save up a down payment, but that vehicle has stopped running. Something about the neutral safety switch not working. I applied fo ra loan with my credit union and am awaiting the decision. I have only a niggling doubt htat it will be declined, but I am certain the interest rate will be exorbitant. My credit rating is not great. Not because I pay late or default. But because my debt-to-income ratio is way too high.
So, I have my new plan for the year. It makes Greece and Italy's austerity measures look like a spending spree. It's a good plan. The question is whether I'll be able to stick to it. My husband is no help. Although he doesn't really spend our household money without checking with me first (he has an allowance for personal expenses), I don't often say no. And when I start thinking about going out to eat or going on a small trip, I get no objections from him. Neither one of us works well as a deterrent to excessive spending.
Even worse, I hate feeling so constricted. And I have become adept at swiftly and subconsciously pushing aside the nay-saying voices in my head. In fact, it is entirely possible that those voices are indeed mute. And I am blind to their sign language. When I want to buy something, I don't take the time to think about it unless the price is so high even I can't ignore the expense. But, all those $50 dinners and $30 store purchases and $3 iTunes buys add up quickly.
I have my plan. My resolution this year is to control myself. Stick to my budget. Remember I have one. Dig my family and myself out of this hole.
